Thickychick, your advice is all so true.

In my case, I was so honest she knew what I wanted, and from what she said I thought she wanted us to be together too. She had some issues, which over time I resolved, and I tried everything for us to be together, but worse, she actively put things in the way, all while accepting a lot of money I thought was to support her (so she could eat and not be evicted) until she could move to be with me. I couldn't move for various reasons, and we agreed early on she'd be the one to move.

Here's the bad part: she USED me.
She had a cell phone I paid for (which she'd always run over the minutes no matter how hard I kept reminding her, I even more than doubled the minutes plan, and STILL she went over).
I drove a car over 1600 miles for her to use and I paid the insurance/gas/repairs.
I paid her rent/bills and bought appliances.
I'd send many many cards and meaningful, romantic gifts.
All to care for her and make her feel special, until she could move.
She even accepted a ring on my blatent request for her to move (actually it was 2 rings). Except later she'd claim she didn't say yes (she said "Yes is on my lips, but I have things to sort out first"), but she ACCEPTED the rings! I assumed her words meant "YES" but I need to sort things out like pack, sell/dump things, etc.
This was just after she left her job (I still don't think has one yet - after a year).
I also paid for her to fly to visit her family. I mostly paid for her to visit me, yet she still would throw some constraint on when she could or could not come, eg she promised to visit for 2 weekends, but it seemed to interfere with her going to a party, so she broke that promise.
She wanted to go back after visiting me for 1 day - my birthday, when the next 2 were a weekend, but she preferred to go to a wedding of the sister of a friend that she didn't really know the name of, but while I don't believe there was any 2 timing going on, but people have suggested it could have been.
I would even plan that our flights would become a connecting flight for us to fly the last portion there and back together on a weekend vacation (it meant I had to do a double connection, but I felt it was worth it, for us to be together). Unfortunately, for half of the vacation she spent time with other friends, making me feel like some hanger on, who she'd picked up that afternoon!
I also caught her out in a lie to do with her supposedly just filling out a profile for eharmony. She admitted when she was doing it that would probably cause an issue between us, yet still did it. She even KNEW I loved doing online profiles, yet never told me. Very suspicious.

Somehow she led me to believe she DID want us to have a future together.
Somehow she claimed she loved me. Maybe she loved what I gave, and took me for granted! It was extremely hurtful to in taking the phone back to discover messages of men saying things like "I love you" (in a meaningful way) at the end of their messages!

So YES, your advice is exactly what I had to do. I believe I waited too long from what everyone (including 3 councillors have said), which for me was 9 months from when she could move, after we'd househunted and I'd bought a house for us we both liked, that like a fool I was waiting and waiting in, until I HAD to see the reality. Before that it had been a year knowing each other (with me sending what added up to many thousands). Even in those 9 months when she had some money to support herself, I ended up supporting her - still in the thousands. And while she accepted it all, she still made it obvious at the end she didn't WANT to be with me. Those 9 months I became extremely down, feeling extremely lonely with no light at the end of the tunnel from her actions, maybe depressed, and she knew it - How hurtful!

So my (probably jaded) advice is don't commit to someone who shows no REAL signs of commitment. REAL means some actions, not just words. Maybe she can send something important to her as a sign of she's moving (I was hoping to look after her dog while she got ready to move and spent a while looking after her grandmother), but she couldn't show ANY commitment.

Do NOT commit ANY money, loan, give, send, whatever (I doubt she'll ever attempt to send back anything, even though a significant portion she PROMISED she'd pay back). Also be low on the expense of gifts, but make them sentimental/meaningful, because if she turns out to be just using you, you will feel EXTREMELY damaged. I know I do even after getting close to 3 months now.

I cannot imagine what she tells her friends! And somehow probably paints me to be the bad guy! I know I got a call on the cell phone (which I gave to my son) from one of her friends who used inappropriate language in hs voicemail! Probably to call me names, but please, when the cell message says my sons name, what the hell must she be telling them! I bet she misses out telling me how extremely caring I was for 20 months, and how she led me on!

So, this is the second BAD relationship I have had with black women, the first I married (so at least we were together), but she'd spend way way much more money, and would be manipulative, etc.
So my experience so far is 2 for 2 - bad.
Please don't tell me all black women love to just use white guys for what they can get. I canNOT believe that stereotype. I generally try not to see color, although I do visually like black women as they often have a lovely figure I appreciate, nice skin tone, very appealing lips, etc, and initially both of these women seemed to have nice personalities (which is of course more important), but these two experiences are not good. They must have been obviously hiding their true selves.
So I hope I have just happened to have had bad luck.