thank you. i did.
life's been kickass ever since.

often wondered the same thing. why someone who said they loved and cared for me would choose to be so cruel? on SO many levels.
used to think it was due to some overt action or inner failing in me. but one day i realized, "no, it's just your insecurtity that you're projecting on me." -ASSHOLE!

realized they didn't want me to leave/change because they were scared. wanted to control me to make sure i wouldn't abandon them. keep me in my lil pigeon hole, which ment they never truely knew me.
and sure as hell didn't understood me, never would. because they are too self absorbed (read: narcissist) in their own lil world.

realized they were immature and everything comming out of their mouth was ecoli. had none of the actions to back up the bullshite. so i started calling em all on their bluffs. i got tired of it and left em all (passive aggressively mind you). but i got out.

also realized the situation with them was never gonna change, cuz i was putting up with it. in essence i was telling them that it was ok to degrade me because i didnt' deserve any better. i wasn't worth it. foremost, i didn't value myself and consequently no one else ever would. used to think that if i tried hard enough and loved them long enough, one day they would see it. and begin to return the effort and sacrifice i was giving them.
wanted to live the fairytale.





...so glad i'm over all that.

LOL.. now that's what I'm talking about... or look at them all crazy back and make comments at them.. LOL.. that would be funny... He always thought someone was gonna get violent.. LOL..whatever!!

I never saw color and always dated men who I liked and not because of their skin color. I shrugged off any comments and/or racial remarks and chalked them up to ignorance. Once when I was dating a black man, some white guys came up and asked me why I was with a “N-Word”. I very calmly told them to go home and look up that word in the dictionary and they would most likely find themselves there. (keep in mind this was in the 70’s. Webster has revised the meaning more than once since then. It used to mean ignorance; a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons. Now it means racial slur against people of color.) They laughed and brushed it off but I am willing to bet when they went home and were alone, they looked it up. LOL I guess it never really bothered me till I had a biracial child. When the maternal instincts kick in we become she-wolves. When remarks were made to or towards my beautiful daughter, I started to get it and realize how ignorant and cruel people can be. Instead of fighting or calling names back, I always tried to reason with them and teach them something about the “human race.” Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t.