Advertisement
Do people cheat because they fall out of love? Or do they cheat because they are greedy? Just wanted to get some feedback.
posted by:
|
Maryland
|
Advertisement
Advertisement
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 11:22 AMI think people often cheat because they are in someway discontent and are looking to fill a void.... They use this as a temporary escape rather then confronting and dealing with their issues. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 11:48 AMOkay so Im feeling Selma Hayek right........And I finally got a chance to get with her. And 5 years down the road.....you know we cool but I see the same Selma every night even that little mole on her ankle is driving me crazy. And Im starting to think...."Man She tight and all but that damn mole dont look right maybe I can find someone better without the mole." Most people would say Damn you got Selma Hayek what more you want? A Selma Hayek without the mole. The Human Mind is strange and by nature we all want more. But what keeps this discontent in check.....Is it Love or something more? -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 12:23 PMI believe it is a discontentment on a mental/emotional level not physical at all... i.e. my ex husband wanted the bouncy fun carefree person that I couldn't be with all the stress I was under (much of which was caused by HIM)... so he started sleeping with some little rich blonde college softball playing chick... Instead of confronting his issues and trying to make the situation better he tried (conscious or subsconsciously) to find escape and instant gratification. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 12:47 PMDo you think a person who cheats will ever be satisfied physically mentally emotionally? The Human nature is greedy on all levels. Being greedy is not a problem but how you quinch your greed is the problem. First we have to define cheating cause there is emotional cheating were you go to someone that fills an emotional void but not having sex with them then there is sexual cheating to fill a sexual void. I agree its instant gratification. Every relationship takes work in order to keep our greed in check. Like if you want more sex then you mate should freak you out. If you need more emotion then open communication. But how do successful couples keep their greed (discontentment) in check. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 1:15 PMYou learn to be realistic about your expectations of your mate!! And if you truly love the person you learn to put their needs and concerns above your own.. this has to go both ways to work of course! No relationship is perfect.. they are all hard work so you have to be mature enough to realize this and committed enough to put the work in. When you truly love someone and are committed to them you do not look outside the marriage to fill your void no matter what kind of void it is(physical/emotional/mental)..... -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 1:32 PMDo you think you could love again? -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 1:39 PMDefinitely, but I would go into it much wiser! -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 1:43 PMWould you be willing to let your guard down just a lil for the next man to have a chance? -
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 1:56 PMIt's a gradual process... I now question everyone and do not trust blindly. People have to prove themselves to me but I still try to give the benefit of the doubt. I have let my guard down a lil fairly recently and nothing good has come of it... it's hard not to become jaded in todays dating scene... But I believe that one way or another things work out... that's life!
-
-
-
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 4:49 PM>> ... if you truly love the person you learn to put their needs and concerns above your own <<
If only my ex did this! I did it this philosophy, putting her first, but it was so a one-way street. She wanted to do what was good for her (or other friends), and I felt I got 2nd place (or 3rd, or 4th, ...) from things she did (or didn't do).
I don't mind the sig'other having needs of things they want to do, I'd be so supportive, but I feel their want of me should be #1 priority. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 4:59 PMYUP.. same here with the ex.. that's why I said it HAS to go both ways to work.. sadly it rarely is. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 12:08 AMSometimes people cheat because they are so afraid of actual intimacy that they need to spread it around and therefore never really just be with one person.
My last relationship I was in, he was like that, he said he was scared to death and always needed a back door. He was carrying on 2 relationships. I was the one he loved, and brought to his family, we lived together, his kids came for weekends...you know the whole bit. Meanwhile this other woman thought I was his ex who had just come back from traveling and moved in with him...the crazy ex. such lies.
I thinks it just comes from a selfish place where you want everything. You're not willing to give up one for another, so you just end up hurting everyone.
then there are those that cheat because they don't know how to break up, and they want to get caught...
I think there are lots of reasons, and I don't think any are good -
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 6:40 AMFrom a Mans perspective......Men of course are created differently from the woman in more ways than just physically. For ex. A woman knows when she see a guy if she would talk to him or not as long as he doesnt say something stupid to mess it up. But for men we have a range up beauty......Like I can say that Selma Hayek is pretty as well as Carmen Elecktra. Two different looks but pretty just the same.
So for men we are always redefining beauty.
So quite naturally more men probably cheat than women although with this "openess" in society yall quickly catching up.
I spent a lot of time thinking.......why do some people do bad things and other people are good?
Is it because they just like doing good and the other people like doing bad. I think for the ones who do bad that they dont care or are desensatized to the sense of community and morality.
And when you talk about right or wrong behavior it to me stem from morality and the definitions of that morality. I guess the bigger question is WHO OR WHAT SETS THE STANDARD FOR MORAL BEHAVIOR? I think its spiritual.
-
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 10:03 AM<<"A woman knows when she sees a guy if she would talk to him or not as long as he doesnt say something stupid to mess it up. But for men we have a range up beauty......Like I can say that Selma Hayek is pretty as well as Carmen Elecktra. Two different looks but pretty just the same.">>
I STRONGLY DISAGREE!
The guys I've dated have been very different from each other. There have been at least a couple times I've met guys who I didn't really think I had any interest in and they turned out to be the ones I was CRAZY about after talking and spending time together. Of course you think Selma and Carmen are pretty.. HELLO! If we're talking about movie stars.. I think Sean Connery, Benjamin Bratt and Morris Chestnut are all incredibly SEXY... just to name a few.. I'd say that's a 'range'. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 10:44 AM"So quite naturally more men probably cheat than women although with this "openess" in society yall quickly catching up."
How come you didnt quote me on this part?
There are alway exceptions......And you seem to be exceptional in everything. Thinking someone is cute and wanting to fuck him is two different things. Now women may find a lot guys attractive but as you said you might not have "chemistry" with them.
Some Guys will risk cheating with a pretty girl if they didnt think they could get caught merely on physical attraction.
Sticking to the cheating aspect.....Why would a man cheat on a Lady who is giving him and has everything?!!! Or are women disillusioned thinking that they giving the man everything when the man wants more. IS ANYONE EVER CONTENT? OR IS IT ABOUT MORALITY? thats my question. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 11:27 AMI agree with you on that fact... women as a whole are quickly catching up... I know one or two who will 'get with' a man "merely on physical attraction".. Morals are in the toilet these days! But I think the issue of cheating is far more complex and happens for lots of different reasons. Discontentment, fear of committment, selfishness, self-medication and today's me first, instant gratification, emotionally disconnected society caters to it. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 11:53 AMhmmm... when i think of cheating i think of the test i cheated on in high school becuz i didn't do what was necessary to prepare myself for the test. i think of the many times i cheated and they all have one common factor... my feeling that i was not prepared for the circumstances i found myself in, instead of being straight up and facing the consequences of not being "prepared"... i cheated... to try and compensate for my lack.
if we are no getting what we feel we need or deserve from a relationship [our respective partner is not "prepared' to provide us with the mutual satisfaction we are seeking], we can be honest and address the lack... or we can cheat... a cheap, quick-fix... faking it until we... make it? unsatisfied, but scared. scared to leave our situation becuz a broken relationship in hand is betta than a healthy one in the bush [or something like that... ha ha ha].
cheating has a direct relationship with... fear. fear that the relationship we are in is not good enuff... fear that we can't leave becuz... "what if we don't find another one, or one betta?"
hmmm... technically we do not cheat on others... we cheat ourselves of the opportunity to be satisfied with what "IS".. as opposed to... what could be.
honesty kicks cheating's ass everytime! it may not heal the relationship, but it knocks cheating out b4 it can do any more damage.
now... don't pay any attention to what i just wrote becuz... I CHEATED! i'm in luv with the UnIverse, i thought i would never cheat on her, but... i just met a woman and i... CRAVE her! -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 1:36 PMOlusanya...Im diggin the deep thought but the English Language is very shallow when it come to defining things. Cheating on exam and cheating on your girl......is a little different. Because cheating on your exam (in this society) is the difference between Passing and Failure. Would you have cheated if you wasnt going to be graded on that exam? Probably not!!! But Cheating on your woman lead me back to the question......Is it Morality, Discontentment or Greed?
If I had to choose a mate who could only possess one of these traits I would take Morality.
-
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 1:38 PMYou are right....you see that a lot when people are stressed.
-
-
-
-
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 10:04 AMAgreed Laurie.. thanks for chiming in. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 2:17 PMI think it has alot to do with the ability and/or desire to communicate with honesty. Some people are just selfish and dishonest. But truely, they are only cheating themselves out of an authentic, fully present, vibrant experience. If they only knew what they could experience thru integrity...well the world would be a different place entirely.
And actually, I do think that cheating on an exam IS comparable on some levels to cheating on ones partner. Either way, you are robbing yourself of the true experience, and of living your own path.
I think there are reams of people out there walking around looking like fully funtioning beings on the surface who don't know themselves at all. The've set themselves on tv/media/consumer/religeous autopilot, but they still think they're flying the plane.
Cheating is a sign, to me of emotional immaturity, and disrespect of self, nevermind others...
anyway those are just my thoughts...having so recently experienced the effects of such a person. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 2:20 PMIts been some real good responses....Its just so unfortunate that people went through this experience. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 2:42 PMYeah R it sucks but that's how you learn and we are all that much wiser, stronger and self-aware for it...
Well put Laurie
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Sun, October 9, 2005 - 12:33 AMThere is saying in India, sweep your cubbord clean before cleaning some one elses. Did you ask your self the question that you pose before the world to seek an answer. or your effort is to gather plausible solution for your conscience. How many people did you cheat R!!? -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Sun, October 9, 2005 - 11:50 AMJoe in the USA we have a saying "if you dont have nothing good to say dont say anything at all." We have another one "If you are not part of the solution YOU ARE PART OF THE (F*ckin) PROBLEM!!!"
Look man take your 4 general stars and your Ph.D. s and go impress someone who cares. Then maybe you can get someone to marry you so that you can get a green card.
Im sure people in India are very sweet people.....But why yall always beating yall chest claiming to be Aryans and trying to act like yall so great.....when yall have one of the poorest country in the world?
Maybe I should ask the question
WHY DOES INDIA HAVE SO MANY INTELLECTUALS AND 10 TIMES AS MUCH CORRUPTION AND POVERTY?
Look clean your cupboard, clean your water, clean your country.....Did you know that your cast system has exploited so many of your own people.
Clean that up genius!!!
Then maybe you can come have an intellectual conversations and about how the real world deals with important issues.
-
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 10, 2005 - 3:18 AMOUCH!!!
R, you know I luvs ya but... DAMN!!!
that's all I'm gonna say.
-
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 10, 2005 - 8:53 AMI hate to be like that Laurie really.....But sometimes people be trippin. The cool thing about tribe is people come here from all walks of life to blend.....and it seems like most people at least the ones Im friends with dont care about status, country, race. Im not the type to say HEY EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!!! Just be quiet and do the damn thang and people will see. But for real Im always smiling and joking. I am taught when I see and injustice do something about it if I cant do anything speak out about it even if the injustice is done to someone you dont like. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 10, 2005 - 1:21 PMI feel you.
In fact, one of the things I appreciate about you, is that you DO speak your mind. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Mon, October 10, 2005 - 5:54 PMThank you....I wish I could put it into Ryme form like you. You got skillz. Its been a long time since I just kicked a freestyle but you are inspiring me to dust off my pen and pad. Love ya and you know love makes the world go round.....believe dat!! -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 13, 2005 - 1:11 AMmmmhhmm, dust of the pen and pad, or the mic in hand, nevermind where the words land, it's a bird's land and as the crow flies, the mind tries to comprehend the avian freedom, better beleive 'em, feathers can lead 'em to our bouancy, it's the neural synaptic currancey, it's the new contageuos frequency, frequently you can find me with pen in hand with vison to expand, stretching mental wing span, and land on my feet, but perhaps I'm indiscreet, this group here is about between the sheets, not the ramblings and indiscreets of an incourageable rhymestress like me...
write on brother...
luvs u 2 -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 13, 2005 - 8:34 AMHere I go with a little somethin......Im a bit rusty tho.
As I pick up the pen
and let the words begin
to come up with a rhyme with a conscious spin
Then ask the questions WHY, HOW and WHEN.
To find a solution to lifes little problems
meet a few friends who can help me solve em.
To make this world a better place
free from prejudice, sexism, and race.
As I journey through the Tribes Guess what I see?
a room filled with people entitled BUKKAKE
This is definitely not the room for me.
I grab the mouse to keep on scrollin
and came across a tribe all about CUCKHOLDIN
Is Life all about self gratifying
while people all over the world is starving and dying
To get your freak on is not a crime
but can we really save the world one orgasm at a time
Now the freakest folks are in San Fran
especially the ones searchin for the burnin man
If a burning man is what they want to see
the local clinics have plenty of STD
Too much for many to bare
maybe we should invest in universal healthcare
Here are a few tribers dear to my heart
because they have the skillz to ignite that mental spark...
Seige
Laurie Be
Cinn
Terry
Jodie
Theo
Bryan
Portia
-
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 13, 2005 - 11:58 AMThank you for that compliment "R". I enjoyed your poem too. Although I don't agree with your assessment of Burningman, nor the folks in San Francisco.
For me Burningman is about enjoying the art, displaying your own art, meeting people (not for sex - but to chat), and to feel good about helping people.
The people I know in San Francisco seem to be more laid back and not be so uptight about things that I think people really should not be uptight about, like what clothes to wear to work, or even the ethnic background of people.
I do get your message that we discuss things here yet there are people starving and dying, but not just all over the world, just go to your inner city, and see people starving in the USA! It was one of the issues China addressed the USA in response to the USA when the USA had sent a message to China about being against certain human freedoms. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 13, 2005 - 2:30 PMBryan nothing against burners most burners actually are the ones standing up to the bullshit in this world.
I meet them all the time at anti-war, anti-IMF protest most of them are cool.
Its only one thing that troubles me about the progressive movement......
If you are going to stand for Justice it has to be total Justice and NOONE INCLUDING OURSELVES ARE ABOVE CRITICISM. What Im saying is we need self objectivity while we establish the UTOPIA. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Fri, October 14, 2005 - 1:48 PMLolly Lolly Lolly, get your adverbs here!
Lolly Lolly Lolly, got some adverbs here!
Come on down to Lolly's, get the adverbs here!
You're going to need
If you write or read
Or even think about it.
Lolly Lolly Lolly, get your adverbs here!
Got a lot of Lolly, jolly adverbs here!
Anything you need
And we can make it absolutely clear!
An adverb is a word... {That's all it is, and there's a lot of 'em!}
That modifies a verb... {Sometimes a verb! Sometimes...}
It modifies an adjective,
Or else another adverb.
And so you see that it's positively, very, very, necessary.
Lolly Lolly Lolly, get your adverbs here!
Father, son and Lolly selling adverbs here!
Got a lot of adverbs and we make it clear,
So come to Lolly!
{Hello, folks. This is Lolly Senior, saying we have every adverb in
the book, so come on down and look!}
{Hello, folks. Lolly Junior here. Suppose your house needs painting.
How are you going to paint it? That's where the adverb comes in.
We can also give you a special intensifier so you can paint it very
neatly or rather sloppily.}
{Hi. Suppose you're going nut-gathering. Your buddy wants to know
where and when. Use an adverb and tell him.)
Get your adverb...
Use it with an adjective, it says much more.
Anything described can be described some more.
Anything you'd ever need is in the store,
And so you choose very carefully
Every word you use.
Use it with a verb it tells us how you did.
Where it happened, where you're going, where you've been.
Use it with another adverb at the end, and even more...
How, where, or when, condition or reason...
These questions are answered
When you use an adverb...
Come and get it!
Lolly Lolly Lolly, get your adverbs here!
Quickly quickly quickly, get your adverbs here!
Slowly surely really, learn your adverbs here!
You're going need 'em
If you read 'em,
If you write or talk or think about it.
Lolly...
If it's an adverb, we have it at Lolly's!
Bring along your old adjectives too, like slow, soft and sure.
We'll fit them out with our "l-y" attachment,
And make perfectly good adverbs out of them!
Get your adverbs here!
Lots of good tricks at Lolly's, so come on down!
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
Adverbs deal with manner, place, time...
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
Condition, reason...
Father Son and Lolly!
Comparison, contrast...
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
Enrich your language with adverbs!
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
{Besides, they're absolutely free!
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly!
At your service!
Indubitably!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Fri, October 14, 2005 - 5:38 PMPeople cheat because they have low self esteem. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Fri, October 14, 2005 - 6:23 PMI thought that people keep taking cheaters back because of low self esteem.
Phira give me more ensight can you break it down a lil more? -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Fri, October 14, 2005 - 7:47 PMThe only real way to know why people cheat is to ask someone who has cheated but let me play devil's advocate.
I think that people cheat because they are looking to have their egos boosted. They are out for the thrill of the chase, the adrenaline rush of doing something "naughty", or they are unhappy and unfulfilled.
I almost cheated on an ex and the only reason I can think of for why I was tempted was the fact that he made me feel good about myself. I was in a long term relationship that was souring rather quickly. I was depressed and lonely. This man was giving me attention that my boyfriend at the time wasn't. He was someone new to talk to and someone who made me feel like a queen. I didn't cheat because I knew that the reason I wanted to fuck him was not because I was in love with him but because he made me feel good about myself when at that time I was feeling pretty shitty.
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Fri, October 14, 2005 - 7:49 PMOh yeah and in response to: "I thought that people keep taking cheaters back because of low self esteem. "
That is part of it but I also think that it has to do with a particular person's values and how they were raised. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 20, 2005 - 9:17 PMVALUES phira thats what it all boils down to. I think you are absolutely right!!!
-
-
-
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 20, 2005 - 6:00 PMHow about this, what gender do you think cheats more male or female?? Maybe there's an anthropological reason?? -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Thu, October 20, 2005 - 9:20 PMThats a good question.....I think men.....but thats because women dont get caught as much. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Fri, October 21, 2005 - 6:16 PMI think it's equal. If you think men cheat more I have news for you. Women have always cheated on their spouses and SO's, we are just able to keep it under raps better than men can. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Fri, October 21, 2005 - 7:48 PMMaybe I've been watching too much National Geographic but the "experts" say that our soul purpose on this earth is to perpetuate the species. Not to have world peace or invent automobile wheels that keep spinning after the vehicle has stopped (although those are cool). So if what they say is true one gender has to be the nurturer and one gender has to be the "breeder". A woman can only get pregnant a few days out of the month but a man can impregnate a woman at any time so it's not hard to figure out the roles here. Having said that and being that we are the smartest animals on the planet we should be able to control our actions but we are still imprinted with those ancient traits. One to spread his seed and one to nurture it. Add to that the various cultural definitions of what it is to be a man and it's easy for males to rationalize their indescretions. My father once told me that a woman can give away a whole lot more *ussy than you can ever get and I had to agree with him. But just because she can doesn't mean she does. -
-
Re: Why People Cheat?
Fri, October 21, 2005 - 7:57 PMBut what separates the human being from animals....Reason.
Now sometimes the beast wants to come out but I have to reason to keep it in check. Now I think man was created for a more spiritual purpose.....Although sometimes animals seem smarter than some humans.
-
-
-
-
